Oh Hi, My Name is Cera. Where are you from?

Kind of speaking back to one of my previous posts, I get really awkward when I meet folks of colour (and more specifically, East Asian women). There's this instant need to locate some sort of affinity with this person (because for me, it's so special to see someone who looks like me). I want to know what their ethnic background is, where they're from, and if we'd be able to share some points of commonality. But then again, there's this hesitation to do those things because I know that even though there's a different dynamic at play, (i.e. I'm looking for affinity or sameness), some folks choose not to identify as a person of colour. They'd rather not be defined by their race (and though, I don't necessarily agree or like this position) it's not really my place to make them acknowledge that they're part of an oppressed group. Even if people are looking to find affinity with you, you're still being defined by your race. So, I get kind of awkward when I'm trying to befriend folks of colour (and do my best not to make any assumptions about them) and constantly try to negotiate how to build a friendship with them, or at least find a point in which we can talk about our culture. But mostly, I feel like I end up creeping people out with my awkward silences...  Like this morning, I met an East Asian woman at a vegan bake sale. We talked a lot about veganism, but I wanted to know how she felt being vegan with an East Asian family. So I kept alluding to how difficult it was with my family and my grandmother finally conceding to buying me tofu, and she talked about hers, but she never mentioned that there were cultural obstacles to not eating meat... (Which, I find difficult about going home to a Chinese family). So, I just kind of awkwardly lingered and tried to be reflective of the situation. We were talking about veganism. Why can't we identify as vegans? Why was I trying to force her to turn it into a cultural issue? Am I reproducing some form of ethnic tokenism? Things to think about.